I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
