They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
