Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
what the fuck happened to the tacos
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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