Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
