you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
