Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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