This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
