I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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