I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
