Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
operation harelip BJ is a go
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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