She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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