Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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