Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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