i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
