Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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