Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
