saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
