I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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