her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
