I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
