I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
