Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
