I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
