he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
