Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
