I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
