Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
