weddingsv make me drug and hornr
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
