I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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