Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
