so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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