Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
