fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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