and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
