i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize