Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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