You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
