i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
