So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
