hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
