my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
