just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
