if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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