small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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