dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
