Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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