Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
