Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
