He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
