My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
