You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
