Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
