I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
