You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The air taste purple.
Randomize
