On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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