My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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