areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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