i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
