this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's always time for handjobs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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