Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
