maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
