I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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