Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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