you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
