I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
