I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
