she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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