I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
