i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.