I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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