Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
