I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.