My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors