I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.