My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
