Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
