i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
