I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
