i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
